I have been home in Nebraska for one month now. At times it feels just like it has my whole life -- like my house -- and at moments that feeling will suddenly disappear when I see a picture of people in Chimbote, or think about what I would be doing if I were still there, or get a crazy urge to hear Alejandro sing, "Procuro Olvidarte" as he does (almost) every Sunday at theater rehearsal or to play a "dinámica," or Peruvian ice-breaker game. In those moments I become acutely aware that "home" is no longer defined by one place, and the feeling of being home will never be fully satisfied neither here nor there.
Of course, it´s not exactly a new concept for me. In many ways, I went through similar transition pains after returning from a semester in the Dominican Republic, but that time was also very different. While I did come to love my host families in the Dominican Republic very much, and missed them painfully, in those four months I never quite just became somebody´s "neighbor." Yes, in Chimbote I was always the "misionera" or the "gringa" for most strangers, but for many people I was also just Emily. After two years I was really just beginning to feel totally comfortable being me, in a totally different culture and language.
And then suddenly Kelli and I were sitting on a bench outside the San Antonio airport waiting for a ride to take us back to the world of air-conditioned meetings and ready-made food. Occasionally I have heard it said as, "back to the real world," which is perhaps how it seems to those who haven´t known anything else. But quite honestly, since being home I haven´t felt further from the real world, and have felt much more like I´m walking through a dream world than I ever did in Chimbote.
Complement this dream-like state with a series of really happy hellos and really sad goodbyes as my siblings come and go -- home to California, off to college in Ohio, or into religious formation in Peru -- plus recognizing that to be happy I need to seek life-giving activities here (about to start substitute teaching and likely volunteering in youth ministry in a nearby parish)... and we start to get a somewhat accurate, yet still very incomplete, idea of the past month.
In many ways I think I haven´t even realized yet that nowhere in my near future are spontaneous trips to the beach, theater rehearsals, English conversation nights, community lunches, arguing matches with the cats, intense parish volleyball games, walks home with the kids from LENTCH, delicious late-night street foods, etc., etc., etc....
But that´s okay, because the real blessing is having so many people in Chimbote who will continue to be a part of my life, and discovering the ways that God will continue to use me and teach me through the people who now surround me.
So I do ask you to pray for me in this transition, not for my own sake but for the sake of unity, of family, of sharing and of understanding. So I can continue to move and be moved towards building God´s kingdom in this country I have come home to, a country very divided, so that we can all enjoy a world where cooperation and respect for one another is primary.
Thanks for reading. Hasta pronto! Peace.
